We like to believe we’re independent thinkers, steering our lives with intention. But so much of
who we become is shaped by who we’re with. Unconsciously, quietly and consistently, the
people around us either lift us or drain us.
I was reminded of this last month on a retreat, surrounded by beautiful people who genuinely
want to make a difference. I was moved by who they were more than what they had achieved.
No one was pretending life was perfect. Everyone had something going on: family challenges,
trouble with the market, personal struggles. But they were honest. And that honesty was
inspiring. There were no naysayers. No gatekeeping. No one holding their cards close. People shared
openly about what they do, how they do it, what they’ve learned.
It wasn’t competitive, instead it was inspiring.
These people can influence your mindset, your energy, your standards. They shape what you think is normal. They quietly raise, or lower, the bar for what you believe you’re capable of.
Psychologists call this emotional contagion: we absorb the attitudes and behaviours of the people around us. Spend enough time with people who complain, blame, and stay stuck, and you’ll feel heavier without knowing why. Spend time with people who take responsibility, try new things, and support each other, and growth starts to feel natural.
Because the company you keep becomes the compass you follow.
But here’s the real question: are you letting yourself be inspired by impressive people?
When you’re secure in yourself, you don’t feel intimidated by people doing great things. You feel energised. You walk away thinking, “Look at what’s possible.” When ego takes over, you become what Psychology Today calls ‘a drain:’ someone who pulls energy from others instead of contributing to it.
You start thinking:
➔ “I’m not good enough.”
➔ “I already know everything I need to.”
➔ “I don’t want to be vulnerable and look weak.”
➔ “Their success makes me look smaller.”
This ego keeps you stuck.
So before you think about who you surround yourself with, hold the mirror up to yourself. Stand in a place of growth mindset:
➔ “I can learn from everyone.”
➔ “I hope I can make that kind of impact one day.”
➔ “Their success shows me what’s possible.”
That way you can learn from your peers rather than feeling the need to compete, compare or defend.
In the end, this isn’t about judging yourself or your circle – it’s about noticing it.
Sometimes the people around you are already lifting you, grounding you, and helping you grow, and it’s worth appreciating that.
And if you’re satisfied with where you are and who you’re with, that’s something to cherish.
But the truth remains: who you spend time with shapes you – and you shape them.
So be aware, value the people who bring out your best. And show up in a way that brings out the best in them too.
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Warm Regards
Craig Cherry