I love games. I play Monopoly Deal with my wife every morning – even though she somehow gets every good card and I get absolutely nothing 😂. If I could, I’d play pickleball every day. If you ask me to play some backyard cricket or ping pong, I’ll say yes before you finish the sentence.
But ask me to go for a walk?
That’s a different story. Walking is something I can do – but only if someone else suggests it. Honestly, if someone makes me. It’s not what motivates me. I can do it, but I have to use willpower.
Internal vs External Responsibility
Internal responsibility is driven by love, passion, and values. It’s the stuff that energises you, the things you’d do even if no one asked. You don’t need reminders or rewards because it’s already part of who you are.
External responsibility, on the other hand, isn’t unimportant – it’s just not your passion. It’s not tied to your values. It’s the stuff you’ll only do if something or someone pushes you. You can do it, but it takes effort, reminders, or willpower.
Understanding that difference is the key to designing a life that actually works.
I don’t need motivation to play games – it’s already something I love. So if I want to exercise more, the answer isn’t “try harder” or “use more willpower.” The answer is: create structures that make exercise feel like a game.
I now play pickleball twice a week, I get my family to ask me to play table tennis more often, and I build movement around what I already love.
Because here’s the truth: willpower is not sustainable.
If you rely on it, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
If you design for it, you’re setting yourself up for success.
This is the model of internal vs external motivation – the difference between what you naturally lean toward and what you need structures to support.
Take my daughter. She’ll always study because she values her grades – that’s internal. But she’ll neglect catching up with friends or making time for creativity, because school can seem more important. So she designs her week in advance. She schedules catchups with her friends. She lays out her creative materials before she sits on the couch. She doesn’t leave it up to the “tired version” of herself. She builds a structure that makes being creative easy.
Take my wife. She loves to hike but she would never go running of her own accord. But our daughter does – and that external accountability works because our daughter gets her to come on a run every second day. The motivation transfers. She runs because someone she loves is running beside her.
And that’s the trick:
External motivation only works when the person keeping you honest is internally motivated themselves. Otherwise, you’re both relying on willpower – and that’s a losing game.
The Lesson
Identify what’s internal – your passions, your values, your natural inclinations – and then design external structures that support the things you avoid. That’s how you create a life that works: not by “trying harder,” but by designing smarter.
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Craig Cherry